It is the evening of the day. Bits and pieces of songs play in my head. It IS the evening of the day. It is 10:07 pm on a Friday night. There is no music playing or soft candle light. Nobody at the bar mixing me a drink. There is no bar. It is only me under my own overhead lights in my own space, tapping softly my inadequate words, not exactly singing my life with my own words. For every step I take forward, I slide back two. Or so it seems.
I’m tired and cantankerous. I should put my head in the toilet for 7 minutes like Caroline Myss advices. The cold water would surely snap me out of it. But I am too bad-tempered and uncooperative. I WON’T do it. I want to stomp my feet and have a fit but how would that benefit me? Exactly! Hence, here I sit with my keyboard. I hope to tap away my moodiness. It would be nice to go to sleep and wake up with a clean mind, erased of all ire.
I should really cut myself some slack. I’ve had a full day, week, month, year….I’ve had a full life. I could do with a little less of everything. My mind is overflowing with thoughts. It’s never in the moment. This morning I couldn’t remember if I had closed the garage door when I was going to the pool. I circled back to find that I had. I lost 15 minutes of swimming time. Not life or death but I drove as it was. Then I swam as it was, trying to get those 15 minutes back. In this case, it was okay. I got an aerobic workout swimming like the dickens. I would rather have my old slow poke self back. It was more restful.
That not being the case, I made use of my unusual super-charged energy. Besides swimming like an athlete, I made my usual 6 loaves of bread and a large pan of rhubard crisp. I planted more beans and all my tomatoes. I dragged Sheba around the block just before supper. I’m feeling super hyper just tapping about my day, as if I’ve drank a can of Red Bull. Not that I ever have but my heart is pounding just thinking of it.
I’m slowing my fingers, slowing my thoughts, slowing my heart. I’m taking some slow big breaths. Good night. Mr. Sandman is calling me.