IT’S NOT MY FAULT

I don’t know where I am going or how to get there. Sometimes I feel as if I’ve gone to hell in a handbasket. So where is God? Life is hard and I’m suffering. Why isn’t he here when I most need him. I haven’t asked very often. And please don’t lecture me about him carrying me when there’s only one set of footprints. Okay, I’m going to calm down and be a little more positive. I’ve shown up, haven’t I? I’m sitting here doing my tap dance.

I’m doing the best I can, trying to find the words, the solutions. Breathing in and out, getting into the relaxation mode. Yesterday I found my way back to the Mindfulness Summit and the episode on the importance of self compassion with Paul Gilbert. It’s a very worthwhile episode for someone like myself. I tend to ruminate a lot and beat myself up regularly. What I learned is that we are all built like that. It’s our nature given to us. It’s not our choosing. It’s the brain we were given. It’s NOT our fault.

I love that it’s not my fault, the way I am. It’s my tricky brain. So what can I do about it? Professor Gilbert is a good teacher, offering explanations and solutions. Sometimes I feel like screaming and jumping out of my skin. It’s most helpful in those times to remember that there’s ways to use the mind to calm the body (meditation) and ways to use the body to calm the mind (exercise). So thank you, Professor Gilbert. May I feel safe and loved. May I be happy.

About hafong

Hello! My name is (Leung) Hafong alias Lily Leung. You always say the last name first….that is the Chinese way. That is my partner lurking behind me. Since this is my blog, I won’t mention his name. But this is a rather cool picture. You see me and yet you don’t…sort of the way I feel about myself most of my life. So this blog is a self-exploration, an archeology dig of some sort. My tools…..words of a thousand or so at a sitting. I will try for that.
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7 Responses to IT’S NOT MY FAULT

  1. Ginette says:

    I think the first step is showing up. So hooray for that, Lily! Thanks for sharing about mindfulness fostering compassion and exercise being a way to calm the mind. It makes plenty of sense!

  2. amybovai says:

    Hilarious story on the video, Lilly! I recently attended a vision-impaired retreat and learned how to do some basic yoga meditations. That was the first time I had ever done that. I even bought some yoga pants. 🙂 The biggest thing I learned from that retreat was self-compassion. we were encouraged to start a habit of writing ourselves letters of self-compassion and it was really good. 🙂
    Thank you!
    Amy

    • hafong says:

      I do meditation and yoga off and on. I should be more regular as my head is always buzzing with thoughts. There’s always so many things to do. I’m trying not to do so much. Thanks for being here.

      Lily

  3. Nona says:

    It can be harder to love yourself than anything else in the world sometimes. And I’m right there with you on being angry when I feel left behind. I never feel “carried” insomuch as I feel like I’m being dragged along behind kicking and screaming.

    But KUDOS to you for showing up!

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