Once laziness sets in, it is difficult oust.  I need a sledge hammer, crow bar or some other heavy duty tool.  I find myself going back to wikiHOW for help.  This is how it defines laziness:

Call it laziness, sloth, ineptitude, idleness, or whatever you like but the idea of doing nothing when things needs to be done is often considered to be a sign of weakness or shirking. Sometimes laziness happens when you don’t want to face something, like a boring chore or a difficult confrontation with someone. Other times, it might be because you feel overwhelmed and think the task needs a whole team rather than just you. And then there are those times where you really just can’t be bothered. In any case. it’s simply not a desirable trait.

I would say my case is all of the above.  I certainly have many things that need doing, but I haven’t done them.  There are 2 garbage bags of summer tee shirts I removed from the closet to make room for my winter sweaters.  I finally got them out of 2 years of storage in the basement.    I was so happy to see and wear them again.  It was like finding old friends.  Now what and where to do with the tee shirts?

I do feel tired and overwhelmed by all my years of should have’s but not done’s.  I still have boxes of unopened bills lurking somewhere in the house.  Don’t worry.  They are paid – automatic withdrawals from my account.  At least I am not totally irresponsible.  I have been hit with a sledge hammer or two recently.  The Universe has ways of making you listen – eventually.  There’s lessons to be learned around every corner, it seems.

I am also exhausted by confrontations I’ve had to face.  Sometimes even when they’re not of your making, difficulties arise and you cannot evade them, much as you would like to. They take a toll on your energy and spirit.  You can crash after the elation of solving them. There’s no help for it.  You start doubting yourself, berating yourself for the awful, unkind person you think you are for standing up for yourself.  At least I do.

I have analyzed and rationalized some reasons for my laziness.  I really should just give it and myself a rest.  I deserve and have earned it.  I really have worked hard all my life.  I have some bad habit because of fatigue but they are not fatal.  I have time now to develop better habits.  Let me not put myself down.  Let me not harm myself.

My weekend of laziness was spent reading a wonderful book called Instructions for a Heatwave by Maggie O”Farrell.  It is a story about a family and their dynamics.  It was time well spent.  I guess I am not lazy after all.

About hafong

Hello! My name is (Leung) Hafong alias Lily Leung. You always say the last name first….that is the Chinese way. That is my partner lurking behind me. Since this is my blog, I won’t mention his name. But this is a rather cool picture. You see me and yet you don’t…sort of the way I feel about myself most of my life. So this blog is a self-exploration, an archeology dig of some sort. My tools…..words of a thousand or so at a sitting. I will try for that.
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