So the other morning he calls and the connection was good and it was like he was there. And we could talk but after awhile he fades and comes back and fades and then he was talking like he was under water. Glub, glub. After I did a few What? What?, I give up and sever the connection. I should say disconnection. This is familiar to me now, the way of Ghana. So I stress no more. Nothing much works in Ghana, the least of it be the phone company.
I used to get stretched out of shape by all of its idiosyncrasies. I suppose every country has their own stuff as well as every organization and each person on the planet. And I have been pondering all the complexities and why for’s till my poor Asian brain hurts. I still do not understand any of it. But now wisdom has finally descended upon me…after a couple of trips to Ghana and 30 plus years of shift work in the healthcare system. There’s much drama and things that don’t work in both. But it is not up to me to fix anything.
I’m saying it is not for me to understand or make sense of anything or anyone. Things just are. It is just for me to live in the moment and be…be the best I can, do the best I can, treat myself the best I can in that moment. I’m working on not saying, I don’t care because I do care. But sometimes the phrase still creeps into my thought and almost spills from my lips. Those times are when I feel powerless and helpless. They are becoming less and less.
It is funny to say that I have not given much thought of myself as a person. But I have not. I wonder if many women feel that way. We’re always somebody’s somebody…daughter, sister, aunt, nurse, wife. We’re, or I should say I am always in the shadows. I would like to step out in the sunlight now. I like being me. It is a precipitous moment to recognize this, for in 5 months I will be redefining myself. I will be stepping out of my nurse’s shoes. It is good to know that I’m not just a nurse/whatever. It is good to be just me, stressing no more.