I am home after another 12 hour night.  The morning is grey and wet with rain….not the kind that gives you an extra kick to start the day.

I am tired, feeling deflated and dissatisfied and dis-centered.  It is not the best time to do any deep analysis of these feelings, how the night went and certainly the complexities of life!  Perhaps I should just acknowledge these feelings that are gnawing at the edge of my consciousness and let them be.  I am certain that after some sleep they will dissipate.

I am enjoying hot chocolate this morning.  The grey calls for something a little richer than tea, soothing as it can be.  I need the rich full taste of chocolate to warm, comfort and fill me up.  I need its sweetness to dispel this sense of lacking in me….this sense of I should have’s….worked more, been sweeter, been softer, been more this, more that…..

I wonder if men talk like we do.  I wonder if they find more faults in themselves than in others.  Probably not.  That’s probably something they can teach us – not to beat ourselves up with assumed and misguided shortcomings.  I need to stand tall, even though I’m short, hold my head up, square my shoulders and yell:  COWABUNGA!  Here I come, ready or not.

Okay, it’s time to give up the battle and get some sleep.