STUMBLING SLOWLY TOWARDS BLISS

Another night is conquered and I am sitting here in the warmth and brightness of my sun room.  So glad that it is over.  I thought that it would never end, but somehow it did.  So just let me count my blessings and appreciate my life.

You could say that I work in an unreal world.  I see the best of people.  I see the worst of people.  It can be a very good time or it can be a very bad time.  It can be full of adrenaline pumping excitement or it can be a tedious grind.  Such is my life as a nurse.  Some days /nights are wonderful.   Everyone works in sync with each other.  We are like a fine orchestra, each with our parts to be played…different but equally important parts.

Of course, there are times when everyone is out of tune.  There is no harmony, no melody to be played.  There are just fractured segments.  Everyone pays.  Those are the times I like to forget.  But those can be valuable times of learning.  We can learn to rewrite our parts so that we can all hum along.  I fret over those times too much sometimes.  How can I change?  What can I do?

For all we talk about getting to know ourselves and each other and living the authentic life, it is a bit difficult.  It is a lot difficult.  Best to just focus on the moment and do the best I can.  So I am feeling rushed for time.  I am breathless looking at the shift before me.  The call bells are ringing.  I have to do this.  I have to do that.  Oh, my God, how can I possibly?!!

I paused and took a breath.  I deleted the pictures in my head.  I put one foot in front of the other, answered one call bell at a time, emptied one bedpan at a time, checked this, checked that, consulted and cooperated with my teammate….I did the best I could.  Sometimes my best came with a touch of grouchiness, but I still made some of my patients laugh.  They still thanked me.  They are generous.  The night passed.

And I AM  here. The words are falling from my fingertips.  I am feeling at ease with myself and the universe.  And the sun is streaming through the window.  Soon I will go to bed.  I am happy.

About hafong

Hello! My name is (Leung) Hafong alias Lily Leung. You always say the last name first….that is the Chinese way. That is my partner lurking behind me. Since this is my blog, I won’t mention his name. But this is a rather cool picture. You see me and yet you don’t…sort of the way I feel about myself most of my life. So this blog is a self-exploration, an archeology dig of some sort. My tools…..words of a thousand or so at a sitting. I will try for that.
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