THINKING ABOUT THINGS

I was thinking about the other night when I fell instantly asleep. It was very strange and wonderful. I got into bed, laid down. There was not a thought in my head, not a feeling in my mind. I noted the feeling or rather, the no feeling. Then I was gone – to sleep. It’s recent enough I still remember it clearly. Thinking about the other night starts a song playing in my head. It’s a pretty and lively tune. My head is a regular jukebox.

I’m thinking about things. It’s not very often that my head is empty so the other night was significant. That’s a moment worth repeating. The reason why I fell asleep so effortlessly was because of my week of physical activity. I’ve been making it a priority to work out at my best effort in my exercise class Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Then there’s the daily walks with Sheba in our very fresh winter air. Sleep is the best medicine for everything. I should know. I was sleep deprived for many years doing shift work. I did not know how poorly I was functioning till after I’ve stopped. I used to pride myself on how little sleep I needed. That was how stupid I was.

I’ve read that it takes 7 years to recover after that many years of sleep deprivation. I’m halfway there. I do make it a habit to go to bed at the same time each night. I get up a couple of times for nature calls. I don’t turn on the light, avoiding waking myself more. Usually I am able to go back to sleep without trouble. I’m on the right track but I do have odd nights that I have trouble. Who doesn’t?

So I am thinking about things, of what I can do to make everything better. Sometimes it’s better if I don’t. Not everything can/should be fixed. Not everything is my fault. Now, I try a little of sitting with things when they/I go awry. I’m still answering all the call bells, even if only in my head. But I can turn them off with effort now. It’s a false alarm, I tell myself. No need for fixing or tending. Let it be. Ah, I’m hearing Paul McCartney singing. Yes, it’s good sometimes to let things be.

 

About hafong

Hello! My name is (Leung) Hafong alias Lily Leung. You always say the last name first….that is the Chinese way. That is my partner lurking behind me. Since this is my blog, I won’t mention his name. But this is a rather cool picture. You see me and yet you don’t…sort of the way I feel about myself most of my life. So this blog is a self-exploration, an archeology dig of some sort. My tools…..words of a thousand or so at a sitting. I will try for that.
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