Day 112, November 14, 2016 @5:10 pm
I feel lost in space after spending these many days digging within, sorting and purging the not real, not necessary and not desired. I have more room in my head and all around. I am unfamiliar to this spaciousness. I am not comfortable in the less. Give me back my tumultuous thoughts! Let me cling to my well- worn baggage. They have been my travelling companions for a long time.
Yes, I crave for the familiar though dysfunctional. I am an addict to what feels good yet harmful. I must go through my delirium tremens. I have been in training all these months to strengthen my physical core – the squats, jumping jacks, and the toughest of all, the burpee and the plank. When I’m burping, I’m not sure I can get up. Yet I do each time. I fear each time when I get up, the room will spin out of control. It never happens. I am building a strong core.
I will observe this lost in space feeling. I will let my body feel its sensations. It is like doing a burpee. I get up and I am standing tall.