Day 112, November 14, 2016 @5:10 pm

I feel lost in space after spending these many days digging within, sorting and purging the not real, not necessary and not desired.  I have more room in my head and all around.  I am unfamiliar to this spaciousness.  I am not comfortable in the less.  Give me back my tumultuous thoughts!  Let me cling to my well- worn baggage.  They have been my travelling companions for a long time.

Yes, I crave for the familiar though dysfunctional.  I am an addict to what feels good yet harmful.  I must go through my delirium tremens.  I have been in training all these months to strengthen my physical core – the squats, jumping jacks, and the toughest of all, the burpee and the plank. When I’m burping, I’m not sure I can get up.  Yet I do each time.  I fear each time when I get up, the room will spin out of control.  It never happens.  I am building a strong core.

I will observe this lost in space feeling.  I will let my body feel its sensations.  It is like doing a burpee.  I get up and I am standing tall.