Day 72, October 2, 2016 @9:44 am

Inertia and gravity are difficult to overcome. I use every excuse I can think of to avoid doing – the weather, I’m tired, I’m this, I’m that.  It’s hard to understand the why of this feeling of reluctance.  It’s more than being lazy.  It has an element of insipid dread.  I have long given up (is it really true?) trying to understand the impossible.  I used guilt to pull me up and out yesterday.  It was difficult but am happy that I rose above the dread.  I might as well put the bad stuff to good use, eh?

I’m here without my tea this morning but I’m having trouble sitting still.  I don’t have to rise above everything in life.  It is not a bad thing to pause and reset.  I will get up, stretch, put the kettle on.  Be back in awhile with my cup of tea.  Everyone breathe.

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I’m back.  I feel so much better, having a cup beside me to take a sip when it gets tough.  I see I can’t go cold turkey.  It’s a good thing I’m not an alcoholic.  I’ll be falling off that proverbial wagon all the time.  Perhaps I should not be so hard on myself, setting up all these challenges.  I can’t seem to help myself though.  I am challenged by challenges.  The call to better myself is hard to resist.  It makes my life purposeful.  What gives you purpose?